Top 10 Sexual Positions
( Please note these are bad... REAL bad. )
- The Teabagging - The all time classic maneuver of
tapping your cock on a chick's forehead whilst she is sucking on your
balls, and uttering the timeless phrase -- "Who's Your daddy?"
- The Houdini - Going at it doggie style until you
are just about to cum, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks
that you have. When she turns around a blast is unleashed into her face
and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering how you managed it.
- The Angry Dragon - Immediately after you blow your
load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out
her nose. When she gets up, she'll look like an angry dragon.
- Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch - The once in a
lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat
and then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your favorite
carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head
vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping
effect. A great way to impress your friends.
- Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which
while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her
asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a
thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty
Sanchez.
- The Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggie style and
then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass and then punch
her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in
the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous
orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
- The Flaming Amazon - This one's for all you
pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your
about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her
pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!
- The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is
lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very
carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your
dick while it is still inserted in her vertical seafood taco. You then
proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a
flying camel. Strictly a classy move.
- The Screwnicorn - When a dyke puts her strap-on
dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at
her partner like a crazed unicorn.
- The Zombie Mask - While getting head from your
favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look
right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow
your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo,
blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will
produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms
outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
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